Mocha Me

Venti, Decaf, non-fat, no whip Mocha.

Yes, I am that person. 

No, you can't make fun of me for it because I'm sure your order is equally as lame.  Oh, yes it is. 


Today I went to my kids' school awards ceremony.  I was so proud of my boys!  The oldest is a Presidential Scholar!  Woooooooooooot!  I commented to a mom sitting next to me that my son's hair is bigger than he is.  I just love rock star hair.  She chuckled and said her husband can't stand their middle school-age son's hair because it's so big when she has pictures of the husband at that age with hair just as big.  How soon they forgot. 

But I digress.

Being the incredibly lazy person that I am (no need to point it out to me, I readily admit it), I planned to do a drive through breakfast on my way home from the school.  I really really REALLY wanted a Starbuck's Mocha but I hated the thought of driving through Starbuck's and then through McD's.  I had noticed that McD is now offering a Mocha drink in iced and hot varieties but I was skeptical. 

A summer or two ago McD came out with their version of Iced Coffee.  Since the kids are big fans of McD I find myself there on a regular basis in the summertime.  I decided to give their Iced Coffee a try.  I'm not much of a caffeine person (mock me all you want, Miss T).  As a matter of fact, I usually go out of my way to avoid caffeine but since McD didn't offer the caffeine free Iced Coffee I had to go with the regular.  What they failed to tell me was that regular was really super-charged leaded.  They should have called it Ice Caffeine. I was hopped up for hours.  HOURS.

With my past experience with McD weighing on my mind I went ahead and order a hot Mocha to go with my #3 (Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit).  I did what every red-blooded American does and ate my hash browns first.  After I was done with that I did a little texting and driving - the other All-American pastime.  Then I decided to take a swig of my Mocha.

This might be a good time to tell you that I spent most of my childhood in Albuquerque, NM.  Why should you care about this you are asking yourself, aren't you?  No, really, I know you are.  Well, let's have a short history lesson.  Who recalls the lawsuit filed by a woman that spilled scalding hot coffee in her crotch area at a McD drive thru and then sued the snot out of them?  Anyone?  Buehler?  Any guess as to where she lived?  Brownie points to everybody that knew it was Albuquerque, NM. 

Let's take a wild guess as to what happened to Zooks when I took a big slurp of my McD HOT Mocha, shall we? 

!)(@*#&&*^(&*%^$()*&#()!!!!! 

I burned every taste bud I owned and probably generations of taste buds yet to be born.  WTF is up with that?  Srsly?  It was a good several minutes before I even took the first sip and it was still hot enough to poach eggs. 

I'm done with McD coffee.  Done with it, I tell you!  I should sue, oh wait, nm.