Friday, October 31, 2008


Coffee ... tastes like an ashtray after a couple BBQ potato chips. 

Just saying.

Can't say I didn't warn you.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Bowling Bet

zooks: I've got 15 mins before I gotta get ready for bowling
Pokerwolf: lol
Pokerwolf: Same offer applies!

zooks: aight just to clarify
zooks: were you making me a bowling deal this morning?
Pokerwolf: I did, yes
zooks: ok, just making sure
Pokerwolf: lol
zooks: you realize you're about to get pwned, right?
Pokerwolf: lol
Pokerwolf: That's fine
Pokerwolf: How'd you do?
zooks: now that would ruin the surprise wouldn't it?
Pokerwolf: hahahaha

A while back my buddy, Pokerwolf, bet me a PokerSlut Tour buy-in if I bowled a 600 but I had to provide photographic evidence.  Like an idiot I didn't take the pictures and sure enough I bowled a 600+.  D'oh.

Well, I wasn't about to let that happen twice.


226+190+204 = 620
Ship it!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Bubble Bitch


That's me. 

I am she. 


The Bitch. 

The Bubble Bitch. 


We ended up having 15 players at the Home Game this weekend.  The T boys represented along with some of the usual faces and one newb.  I was in a generous mood when I handed out the chipstacks: 5000K.  My structure allows for a one time rebuy before the end of the 4th level.  Since I increased the starting stack to 5000 chips we didn't have quite as many rebuys as we sometimes do.

I blinded down to about 4k in chips.  Saw a flop or two and was around 3100 just before the end of the rebuy.  I picked up KK after a raise and a call - the perfect time to ship it and hope to chip up or rebuy.  No callers. 

Story of my night.  Too short to play any real poker.  I finally shoved with 66 after a utg raise from one of the more active players.  He called with A9o and, holy shit, my 66 holds up. 

Not long after I shipped KK from the BB after a raise and a call.  The raiser folded but the SB said he couldn't fold.  He shows AT and, sure as shit, the door card is an A.  Crap.

The VERY NEXT HAND I get dealt AA.  It's raised before me and I ship it.  He calls and I say, "You're not going to like this."  He has AQ and my hand holds. 

What a friggin roller coaster ride.

It gets down to the bubble - 5 left, 4 places pay.  I'm not in great shape but not too bad off.  It's folded to the SB to my BB.  He raises and I look down at A8 and I ship it like a donk.  The SB was the newb to my game but not a donk by any stretch.  He hadn't been getting out of line at all.  I have no idea why I thought he was making a move.  His TT holds and I'm the Bubble Bitch.
1st Tucker
2nd Ross
3rd Terry
4th Gordo

To quote my buddy, Fike, "I'm ready to get paid and am tired of losing.  I thoroughly expect to make bank this Tuesday."

See ya'll at the Cash game on Tuesday.  Rebuy!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Not Always Right

This is from my newest favorite site: (The Customer is) Not Always Right!

Props to Pokerwolf for hooking me up with this gem.

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is Bill in the breast aesthetics department. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My left boob popped.”

Me: “Okay, so the implant failed?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are your implants silicone gel or saline?”

Customer: “The water kind.”

Me: “So, we’ve had a saline deflation. I need to ask you some questions in regards to how it may have deflated.”

Customer: “Why, don’t you believe me?”

Me: “Of course I believe you, but as part of making our implants even better and evaluating where under the device’s warranty this falls, I need to know what may have led up to the implant’s leak.”

Customer: “Oh, so you think this is my fault?! You make a crappy implant and you have the nerve to blame me?”

Me: “Wait, wait. First, I didn’t make your implant, my company did. I’m here to help you get this fixed in the fastest way possible and that starts with finding out how the implant deflated.”

Customer: “So you want to know what I did to screw them up, is that right? I spend a fortune on these things to be walking around with a flat tire of a tit and you think it’s my fault?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I simply need to know how to cover this under your warranty, to see how much money we are going to give you to fix the problem. We give you a check for money to fix the problem if you’ll just answer my questions. What do you remember doing when you first noticed the deflation in your breast?”

Customer: “Me and my boyfriend were playing sex hide-and-seek in the house and he though it would be more fun if my boobs glowed. So, he used a needle tube to insert little red lights into them… what do you call those little glowing lights? It’s like three letters?”

Me: “… A diode?”

Customer: “Yes. He’s a trained professional… he uses them on animals at his job all the time.”

Me: “So, your boyfriend punched a hole in your chest and tried inserting a diode inside the implant?”

Customer: “Well, not in my chest. Just on the top side of my boob so it wouldn’t hurt. He numbed it first.”

Me: “… And this is the implant’s fault, how?”

Customer: “It started leaking and getting flat.”

Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? I’m recording this and no one is going to believe me!”

Customer: *click*

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Poker Post

It's just a rumor but I hear there's a poker post over on Corporation Poker.

Just a rumor.  No need to get all excited and click here or anything.  No reason at all.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Washer Down

About 5 years ago I talked The Other Half into buying this front loading washer. Sexy, I know.

It's been running like a champ until .... it started making a lot of noise during the spin cycle. I finally decided it was time to get a repair technician out here to assess the situation. He showed up bright and early Friday morning.

I demonstrated for him what it was doing and like a retard stated, "The bearing is shot, isn't it?" Talk about announcing that I'm a sucker. That statement had "Please fleece me" written all over it. Stupid, stupid, stupid on my part.

Sure enough he agrees with me and writes me up a repair estimate for $830. Before he had even left I was looking at new washing machines with dread. I really didn't want to buy a new machine. It's not the money (even though it's become absurd how much a washing machine costs), I like having a matched set. Yes, I'm that anal.

Mr. Repairman gave me a coupon towards the purchase of a new machine that more than compensates me for the cost of his "services". Oh, joy. I'm still not interested in buying a new machine, damnit.

After he leaves, I Google my model number just to verify the tub size when I see this comment left on one of those Epinions sites.

A review of several appliance repair forums/blogs shows that this particular model has very few problems, but there is one issue that has appeared three times...knocking noise during spin cycle. If you are at all handy I strongly suggest you tackle this yourself (I just got done doing it). The problem is the 15/16ths inch nut in the center of the large pulley coming loose and allowing slop between the spindle and drum/basket. This nut is easily accessed by removing the back panel. The whole deal is a 20 minute job tops!! Why do it yourself?...because an incompetent/dishonest service tech can easily turn this into a $500 to $800 repair by claiming the bearing and sleeve are shot, which requires replacing the entire stainless interior basket assembly...and Sears won't give you squat in the way of standing behind the product.

Orly!?!? Hmmm. Well, granted, I am one lazy mo-fo but we're talking $830! I drag all the stuff off of the countertop over my washer and dryer, remove the countertop, and wiggle my not insubstantial ass behind the machine with my tools. After removing something like 234987435 screws I have access to the back of the washer.

For as much as this bad boy cost, there's SURPRISINGLY LITTLE STUFF BACK THERE. A pully and this cage attached to the drum. A SINGLE NUT holds the shaft (he he he I said shaft) to the drum. And, guess what? It was ever-so-slighty loose. Just enough to cause a huge clatter when the machine was spinning.

I whipped out my vice grips and managed to loosen up and re-tighten the nut. Having just done laundry a few days before I resorted to grabbing a bunch of towels to run it through a test load just to see if all this manual labor was going to pay off.


Silence. Blissful, money-saving silence. Whisper quiet like the day it was installed. This bad boy better last another 5 years. I already warned TOH that he'll be getting a bill for $830 ;).

Thursday, October 16, 2008


As if online gaming needed any more drama.  Seriously.

Kentucky has decided to go after the online poker sites.  Yep.  The home of horse racing has decided it can't sit idly by while their residents blow a small fortune - or the food stamp money, whichever is more - playing online poker when they should be spending that money ON HORSE RACING. 

I kid you not.

Click here to read the court decision.

What a joke.  I was listening to a recent episode of Poker Road Radio where I believe it was Court Harrington that commented to this effect, "You can't ban one form of gambling just because you want to encourage another form of gambling."  Amen, brother.  Amen.

Leave it to a Bible Belt state to attempt the most egregiously hypocritical manuever of all time.  To that end, the State's Attorney has filed a lawsuit that will grant ownership of 141 IPs to the State of Kentucky so that they can prevent the residents of Kentucky from gambling online.  I suppose the next step would be to FORCE them to gamble those $$ at the nearest track. 

It's only a small step from there to outright banning computers because they keep people in their homes and away from the nearest OTB.

I can't wait for the court to determine that computers are a just virtual casinos and brothels and should be banned from Kentucky.  Let them seize all the computers and ban further sales.  No more problem.  End of story. 

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


There's a gentle drizzle coming down as the occassional breezes send dozens of ash leaves fluttering to the ground.

I have a front window view of fall this year.  My beautiful ash tree started turning days ago it seems and now it's already half bare - it's yellowed leaves lying stunned on my still green lawn.

Autumn is by far my favorite season: slightly nostalgic yet turbulent with color, wind, blazing sun and drizzly days.  I love the chill at night.  I love the hint at the winter to come.  I love the harvest of summer's bounty.  I love the settling in for the lazy time of year when you can blame the weather for your desire to stay home and do nothing.

I took several pictures of my ash tree over the past few days but only one came close to capturing what my eye could see.


Monday, October 13, 2008


Yeah yeah yeah.  I know you all feel sorry for me and my overeducated underemployed self. 

Bite me!

Business hasn't exactly been booming for the Handyman lately.  It looks like his wife is going to take back the scheduling and phone answering, etc.

I'm good with it.  I've been so busy with the HOA and School stuff lately that I've been glad that the Handyman's phone hasn't been ringing all that much.  I had told him a while back that the system was very simple and I could easily show his wife how to do it but he didn't seem to be interested in going that direction.

Now that the economy is in the shitter, many of his potential customers will probably put off any repairs that aren't absolutely necessary.  I'm sure he'll make it through but it will be much easier when he doesn't have to pay me.

I've managed to save a nice chuck of $$$$ to blow at Blogger gatherings, Pokerpaloozas and for general chip spewing.  I hoped to go to the WSOP next year but if the economy isn't any better by then I probably won't bother.  No sense in getting fleeced by the poker pros in Vegas if I don't have to.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

HDMI & The Big Bang Theory

HDMI baby!

It's not just for your TV anymore!  This badboy laptop I got for uber-cheap has it.  That's right you heard me: I have an HDMI port on my laptop and I know how to use it! :P

Recently I ordered two HDMI cables: one for the new HD up-converting DVD player with USB and DIVX playback AND one for my laptop.  Guess what arrived in the mail today?


That's right.  You're looking at the latest episode of "The Big Bang Theory", which is pure gold IMO, playing in VLC from my LAPTOP! 


I think I just had a geekgasm.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

More Mac

I do love me some Mac chat.

Mac: waste of time
Zooks: that 1 cent?
Mac: and you to thank
Zooks: me?
Zooks: what you found me playing it?
Mac: what?
Zooks: oh the tarot card thing?
Mac: the iq test thing
Zooks: ahhh ok
Zooks: lol
Zooks: I guess you failed
Zooks: hahahahahah
Mac: and hard to do with a baby
Zooks: btw, I just finised 66th in a 986 person 1 cent nlo tourney
Mac: i got a 139
Zooks: oh yeah
Zooks: lol 139
Zooks: I so pwn you
Mac: :P
Zooks: you know this is going in my blog
Mac: prolly


Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm too lazy to write a real post. :P

You are Justice

Equity, rightness, probity, executive; triumph of the observing side in law.

Justice is about cold, objective balance through reason or natural force. You can't keep smoking and drinking without consequences to your health. It is the card that advises cutting out waste and insists that you make adjustments, do whatever is necessary to bring things back into balance, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually. It is a card of balance and harmony; if there is imbalance, the correction may
require recourse to the law.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Poker After Dark Home Game

Been thinking about having a home game patterned after the Poker After Dark show.

Read all about it here.

Not HERE... here.  Well, ok, technically it should be there.


Just click it already.

Friday, October 03, 2008

I Heart Google

Everybody knows that I'm a big fan of Google.  I ran across another reason to love Google:


Holy Crap!  Poker AND Porn!  On the internet?  Srsly.  Who knew?

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Poker Recap

It's been a while since I made a poker post.  I've been playing a lot of live poker lately but I've been so busy with other things I haven't had the time to write it up.

Click here to read how epically bad I've been playing lately.

I know, it's not pretty.  But, that's what I'm here for.  To make you feel all superior n shit.