Jack Ace

Julius Goat is a Gawd.  It's true. 

Proof:

More Jake & Amir

Watch Jake and Amir: Community Service and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Well crap.  I bet they wouldn't want me teaching it how to play poker, either.  Hmm.

Oh, and get me one, too!

Click through for video.

Like I Give A Sith

You heard me, that's what I said.  Sith. 

This had me in stitches. 

Dunno why.

Yes, I'm that silly.

Tulips

I can say without reservation that I have no green thumb whatsoever. 

None.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.

So what possessed me to order literally hundreds of bulbs one year is beyond me.  I made my mother help me plant what seemed like a brazilian bulbs one fall when she was here for a visit.  To my utter amazement beautiful tulips emerged the following spring. 

These stunning flowers are lucky to get a few dribbles of plant food tossed on them every now and again.  After one particularly bad year - not sure if it was the weather, lack of nurishment or the bunnies that did them in - I was determined to take better care of the demanding little s.o.b.s since I've become accustomed to seeing their cute little buds in every spring. 

When our lawn fertilizer guy retired from the business I was stuck looking for another provider.  I stumbled on a NatureScape van servicing another house in my neighborhood so I gave them a call.  They had very good pricing and also offered a tree and shrub package.  Bingo.  I needed this.  They did a fabulous job last year.  A good year is when nothing dies - everything seems to be thriving better than usual, including my tulips.

I did catch a bunny carrousing amongst my tulips the other day.  I promptly spread out some Blood Meal to keep the little buggers off my precious buds.

I snapped this picture a day or so ago when it was bright and sunny but very windy.  I wasn't sure they would ever stand up straight again.  This morning they were all closed up and looking stunning as ever when I snapped the top photo. 

My only gripe with tulips is that they don't last long at all.  This year they took forever to come up after the brutal winter we had.  I'll be lucky to get another week out of them. 

I have some Asiatic Lilies that bloom in mid summer that are also stunning.  I know you can't wait to see them, too.  Humor me, ok?

PokerSlut Tour XIII Stud Hi/Lo

The PokerSlut Tour is played exclusively at Full Tilt Poker.

Home Game

Usually my home game is held on a Saturday night but due to conflicts with local Jaycees events I was forced to hold it on a Friday night.  This might explain the lower than usual turnout.  We ended up with one table of nine players.

I decided to try a new structure for last night's game.  Since we had so few players I also increased the starting chips from 5000 to 7500.

I also allow one rebuy after going broke before the end of the 4th level (20 min levels).  I like this for a home game because it makes it unlikely that a player will bust out permanently before the end of the 4th level - although I have to admit it has happened.

The night started off well enough.  My new chips were a hit.  I have had my old chips for quite some time and really liked them but they label on them was shiny and it was hard to see the denomination if any light was shining on the table.  I ordered 3 different sample sets of chips before I settled on the Yin Yang design. 

I just found this video! What a hoot. Let's just say that I'm glad I didn't find it before I ordered the chips.  Regardless, I love my new chips.  So much easier to see and they feel awesome!

I found myself contemplating that it had been some time since I had cashed in, much less won, my home game.  I think I needed to concentrate more on my play than the social aspect of the game.  I was determined to bring my A game.

Then I got Fiked.

Fiked (v): Hitting and hand but losing when Fike outdraws you in some hideous fashion.

Related quote from the last cash game: Fike, "I'm allowed to make all the donkey calls I want." Yes, that really is his motto.  For some reason it is highly effective against me.  During the cash game he led at a pot for $2.50 and I raised to $10 with TPTK and he called with bottom pair and a flush draw only to hit his flush draw on the river. 

Fast forward to last night where Fike limped in with A8o.  I flopped a set of 7s on an A7h6h board.  He led at the pot and I raised him.  Again he called and the turn put out the 5h.  I sighed convinced that Fike had just gotten there.  He checked and I checked.  The river was a 9 putting out a 4 card straight in addition to the flush draw.  I called Fike's river bet only to be shown his craptastic A8o hand that runner runnered me.  What a retarded call.  I really need to quit paying him off.

I tilted but not nearly as badly as I did in the cash game when I threw some chips at him.  I took a small break and decided that I definitely needed to refocus.

I raised from early position with AQ and get a couple of callers.  The flop comes out Qd4d2.  I bet and Gunn raises me.  I tank for a bit and decide to call.  The turn was a blank.  I led and Gunn just called.  The river was a 2d and I pushed my few remaining chips in and Gunn instamucked.  At the time, I was oblivious to the fact that the 2 on the river made the flush draw.  I just wanted to stick the rest of my chips in and rebuy if necessary.  I'm sure Gunn put me on the flush draw but I'm convinced that he and I had the same hand and he threw away a split pot.

The last hand before the rebuy I called a small raise from Fike who needed to either double up or rebuy.  Jason came along for the ride as well.  The flop was 88c9c.  We all checked.  The turn was a 5c giving me a full house with my pocket 5s.  Fike pushed, I called, Fike mucked his cards.  He retrieved them to show that he was drawing dead with Ah5h.  That would be the first of two times that Fike would get effed by a 5 on the turn.  Tee hee hee.

I managed to make it through the rebuy period with having to rebuy!  Woooot!

After the rebuy period had ended I had a very tough decision with AJ.  There is a reason that players don't play this hand and now I know why: you really hate it when you get action with it.  I raised with it and got at least one caller.  The flop JTx.  I bet out and got raised AGAIN.  WTF is it with these guys raising me all the time?  Don't they know who I am!??!?!?!  :rollseyes:  So here I was wondering if he'd hit a set or had JT.  I hate being in this spot.  Hate it.  I decided to call the raise and evaluate again on the turn.  The turn was a blank and I checked.  Jeff shoved and again I was in a really crappy spot.  I cut out the chips and realized that I pretty much had to call.  He tabled KJ.  Now I was sitting on a nice stack.

Everytime I won a pot and especially when I won some chips from him, Fike would say, "That's ok, you hold on to those for me.  I know I'm going to end up with them."  This is all in good fun.  I do like playing with Fike; I just hate losing to him. 

For some reason Fike was feeling pressured to double up when he wasn't that badly set compared to other people at the table.  He had been telling the table he was going all in either this hand or the next hand - before the blinds would hit him again.  I looked down at AA when he was under the gun.  The little voice inside my head was screaming, "PLEASE SHIP IT! SHIT IT NOW! SHIP IT!"  At first he says he's going to limp and then he says all in.  The was some controversy over whether or not he should be able to ship after he said he was going to just limp.  I said he could do either.  He'd been talking about going all in the last two hands - what do you do?  Do you say that's binding?  Is saying "limp" a binding bet?  I decided, no, it wasn't and neither was saying he'd go all in this hand or the next.  Hard to say which is correct but in either case he pushed and I called and he didn't suck out.  Go me.

Speaking of suckouts.  TOH was on fire last night.  He consistently got his money in bad only to come out smelling like a rose.  As long as we've been having these home games TOH has won once and monied maybe one other time.  It was too funny when we ended up heads up and I asked if he wanted to chop but he wanted to play it out.  He had me outchipped but that didn't last long.  I doubled through him with AK v AJ - clearly he wasn't up to the task of playing AJ ;).  I ended up with the rest of his chips the next hand.  My first win in quite some time.  GG me.

Mac Chat

Lazy blogger resorts to pasting chat into post. 

Readers get over it.  No, really, they do.

Mac: amir from jake and amir has a twitter page (no surprise)
Zooks: yeah i've been subscribed for a while
Mac: the real surprise, he follows 2 accounts
Zooks: he rarely tweets but they are funny
Zooks: oh shit I hear outside water running brb
Mac: not sure if he's just retarded or trying to level people
Zooks: it's 66° and they are shooting supersoakers with 40° water at each other
Mac: where are tshirt wrapped titties when you need them?
Zooks: hahahahahhahahah
Mac: amirite?
Zooks: check out this site sometime
Zooks: www.chickipedia.com
Zooks: the degens on skype found it last night
Zooks: they made a profile for me
Zooks: bastids
Mac: BTW, thanks for getting me fired
Zooks: said sometime
Zooks: not NOW
Mac: shit, like I'm gonna wait to click a link
Mac: you might as well send me to don'tclickthis.com
Zooks: he he he

Mac: http://omploader.org/vMWU3aQ/86414.jpg
Zooks: hahahahahhahahahahaha
Zooks: Your wife is so gonna kill you =P
Mac: nah, if I'm looking else where, then I'm leaving her alone
Zooks: lol
Mac: how come that chickipedia page is blank?
Zooks: dunno, blaz says they must have taken it down

(1:10:52 AM) Zooks: played 1/2 plo and won 333$
(1:12:32 AM) Mac: bad omen?
(1:12:42 AM) Zooks: I hope not
(1:12:48 AM) Zooks: that would be 666
(1:13:21 AM) Mac: not in my world
(1:13:54 AM) Mac: btw, wtf you doing up?
(1:14:06 AM) Mac: I thought old people like you turned to pumpkins at this hour
(1:14:40 AM) Mac: this is the hour for the young and the spritely
(1:16:19 AM) Zooks: Roccopalooza
(1:16:25 AM) Zooks: I'm staying in the poker party palace
(1:16:30 AM) Zooks: fuckers stay up waaaaaaaaay too late
(1:16:44 AM) Zooks: next time I'm totally staying in a diff room
(1:18:29 AM) Mac: everyone else preventing you from getting your groove on?
(1:18:39 AM) Zooks: you know it
(1:18:41 AM) Zooks: bastids
(1:20:29 AM) Mac: just ignore them
(1:20:41 AM) Mac: I'm sure the videos on the web will be short lived
(1:20:57 AM) Zooks: hahahahhaha

(6:28:34 PM) Zooks: Poker Stars loves me
(6:28:34 PM) Mac: I'm not here right now
(6:28:45 PM) Zooks: http://www.pokerhandreplays.com/view.php/id/386772

Click through for hand replayer.




(6:46:25 PM) Mac: but what will you do for a bad beat post???
(6:46:30 PM) Zooks: lol
(6:46:42 PM) Zooks: I
(6:46:46 PM) Zooks: I guess I'll have to lie
(6:46:48 PM) Zooks: :D
(6:47:13 PM) Mac: change the 8 to a spade?
(6:47:21 PM) Zooks: ewww

(10:24:01 AM) Mac: haha http://twitter.com/tweettits
(10:24:32 AM) Zooks: hahahah
(10:24:41 AM) Zooks: yeah it's nat'l cleavage day
(10:24:49 AM) Zooks: I'll wave from the sidelines

(4:10:26 PM) Zooks: Gaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(4:10:35 PM) Zooks: Youngest son has 3 maplestory accounts
(4:10:43 PM) Zooks: I didn't realize he had to have a different email address for each
(4:10:55 PM) Zooks: and he's trying to reset his pin on account he uses the most
(4:11:12 PM) Zooks: turns out they send an email with link to reset page
(4:11:31 PM) Zooks: turns out he's got at least 4 email accounts at gmail
(4:11:38 PM) Zooks: there's at least one he can't recall
(4:11:40 PM) Zooks: sigh
(4:11:43 PM) Mac: sounds like you are raising a "user"
(4:11:49 PM) Zooks: no fucking shit
(4:11:50 PM) Zooks: lol
(4:12:01 PM) Zooks: at least now I have those accounts forwarding to his main account
(4:12:15 PM) Zooks: but he'd have a crap attack everytime he forgot a pin
(4:12:18 PM) Zooks: now I know why
(4:12:25 PM) Zooks: he couldn't recall what email account they went to
(4:12:32 PM) Zooks: much less the password to the account
(4:12:46 PM) Zooks: I went through and reset passwords and forwarded the accounts to his main one
(4:12:52 PM) Zooks: that little twathead
(4:13:01 PM) Zooks: and I have a feeling the oldest is in the same boat but I just don't know it
(4:13:08 PM) Zooks: I'm going to make him fess up here soon
(4:13:08 PM) Mac: that would be a good email for him twathead@gmail.com
(4:13:13 PM) Zooks: hahahahahah
(4:13:16 PM) Zooks: yes.it.would
(4:13:30 PM) Zooks: they think that email accounts are just disposable
(4:13:39 PM) Zooks: till it comes back to bite them in the butt later

(11:47:13 AM) Mac: CelebritySex543 is now following you on Twitter!
(11:47:39 AM) Zooks: I knew you were a pronstar and just used this dayjob as a cover
(11:48:06 AM) Mac: twitter is gonna make shit tons of money with this incredible mind reading software they have
(11:49:05 AM) Zooks: lol
(11:49:55 AM) Zooks: so, did you follow back? like a good boy?
(11:50:01 AM) Mac: fuck no
(11:50:05 AM) Zooks: pussy
(11:50:13 AM) Mac: I mean, i obv should given the name and all
(11:50:20 AM) Zooks: well duh
(11:50:27 AM) Zooks: sit back and wait for the links to roll in
(11:50:49 AM) Mac: I don't know if my phone could take it
(11:51:01 AM) Mac: I mean that thing has to last me at least another year
(11:51:01 AM) Zooks: hahahah you don't HAVE to do phone updates

Zooks: Testing out the Yahoo Mobile.  This shit is dif from the AIM.
Mac: you are differnt than aim
Zooks: sfobv
Zooks: At least yahoo will tell you who ison.  Not sure there is any way to do that with teh AIM the way I use it.
Mac: works on my phone
Mac: but I am cooler than you and thereby my phone is cooler than yours
Zooks: LOL AS IF.  I have an aim app but rather not use it.  Not sure how you ask aim who is on via text.  At least Yahoo gives you some instructions.
Mac: now you only need to fixt he dupe posts thing
Zooks: what dupe posts?
Mac: it sent your last message twice to me - wasn't sure if you fugged up or if it was some glitch
Zooks: Might be a glitch.  Hard to say.
Mac: yur a glitch
Zooks: You misspelled bitch
Mac: you mispelled cunt
Zooks: Hahahahahahah

Tournament Structure

Check out my post on Corporation Poker where I babble on and on about, well, tournament structures.  And I do mean on and on.

Since you're here I already know you are bored enough to read this. 

So get there already.  Times a wasting.

While you are there give props to Snarf for kicking butt in the BBT4.

PokerSlut Tour XIII HORSE

The PokerSlut Tour is played exclusively at Full Tilt Poker.

Catching Up

I have been one lazy blogger lately.

Yes.

I know.

I have.



Poker

Between running bad and playing bad I've been, well, sucking at poker - at least in the private tournaments.  In PLO I get it in with the nuts only to be outdrawn by the shittiest flush draw by an uberdonktarded luckbox.  Or, I have a big hand out of position and go for the check raise only to get checked behind and let the guy catch his gin card.  Sigh.

The cash games have been decent enough.  Either I run like the gawds or I'm getting my ass handed to me by the RNG but overall the last week has been profitable at the cash tables.

With any luck I'll be going to the boat tomorrow.

Bowling

Bowling has been going very well.

I lucked my way onto a team for the Ladies City Tournament.  Since I usually bowl in mixed leagues with recreational bowlers I don't get asked to bowl in the City Tournament.  This year the boys' bowling coach - whom I bowled Singles & Doubles with at National's scoring a nice doubles payday - asked me if I would like to bowl on a team with her.

Turns out a lady that subbed on my Thursday morning league was getting a team together that would be sponsored by a local bowling alley so we wouldn't have to pay the registration fees and had mentioned my name as a possible member of the team along with my doubles partner.

Doubles went very well with both of us bowling over 600 series.  After the first weekend we were in first place but that didn't hold up and we ended up in 4th place overall.

Singles just sucked.  'Nuff said.

I struggled for the team event bowling 50 pins below my average series.  Since all of us had very little handicap we didn't score well enough to place in the money.

In the mean time I have been subbing in a 3 x 4 on Wednesday nights for the lady that subbed in the Thursday morning league.  She's a very good bowler and a really nice person.  I found out that she held a pro card in the past!  I was very honored when she asked if I would sub on her team.

The first week wasn't great but since then I've put up two 800+ series, and last night, a 796 series.  We're in first place but the second place team is breathing down our necks.  We gifted them 15 points a couple weeks ago when we played them allowing them to come within 3 points of us on the leaderboard.  Last night they swept all of their points while we missed two letting them get within one point of us with only three weeks left in the season. 

I've determined that I bowl much better in the evenings.  My body must just not be ready for action in the morning.  That, combined with this new oil they are using at that house, I've been sucking in the morning league lately.  This oil breaks down so fast and moves in very unpredictable ways.  I can't help but wonder if the temperature has something to do with it too since the house is so cold in the morning.  Regardless of the excuse ;) I bowl like crap in the morning and I won't be returning to that league.

Kids

I finished the kids' room renovations.  They are very happy with the result and so am I!  The bookshelves give them plenty of room to display all their trophies, books, webkinz and doodads.  The desktop turned out really nice and cheap - only $20 from IKEA.  I still have to pick up the chest of drawers that match the bed but overall the result is fabulous if I say so myself.

The boys were on Spring Break last week.  They managed to stay busy enough to not drive me crazy but we were all ready for them to go back to school this week.

It's another week loaded with errands and doctor's appointments.  Hopefully that will be slowing down here real soon.

Much to my surprise, my youngest signed up for running club.  This from the boy that hates to run.  In my effort to encourage him I've committed to going one of the two days a week of running club.  The first day was the pits even though I've been trying to hit my treadmill regularly.  I'm just horribly out of shape, no doubt about it.  At least yesterday sucked less than the first day did.

Over and out.

Black Panther

You Are a Black Panther

You see through people. You understand others' motives and plans. You have a knack for predicting the future. You just know what people are going to do. People are attracted to you. You are naturally able to influence other people's thoughts. You have the charisma to be a beloved guru or dictator. It's all about how you handle it.

What Big Cat Are You?

I like that I ended up with the same cat at Katitude.  She's one classy lady.

Poker Soup

The PokerSlut Tour is taking off today, Easter Sunday, but the Poker Soup crew is offering a HORSE tournament on Poker Stars as an alternative.

Poker Stars Tournament no. 155161748
Game: HORSE
Time: 21:00 EDT
Buyin: $5 + .50
pw: pokersoup

Poker Soup is expecting a special guest. Tune in to find out who it is. If you haven't listened to Poker Soup yet check it out at PokerSoup.tv.  Props to NickG for setting up this awesome website for us!

I'm On a Boat!

Last night's home cash game was a bust.  I guess most of the regulars wanted to watch basketball or, at the very least, didn't want to play poker.

Fike and I decided to hit the boat.  We called ahead to get on the list but hadn't moved up much in the 45 minutes between calling in and arriving.



The list for 3/6 limit was much shorter than the 1/2 and the table was full of people wanting to move to 1/2 no limit.  We eventually got seated next to each other at the 3/6 limit table.  I folded QTo from under the gun my first hand and it would have been one of a rare few hands I would have won for the night.

It didn't take long for me to get moved to a 1/2 table.  I took stock of my table and was surprised to find that there really weren't any fish at the table.  Several strong players.  I was flanked by two guys that knew each other and were pissing in each other's pots big time.  After one of them felted the other they left to reload.

I didn't play very many hands.  I raised AK from UTG+1 and got a brazillian callers.  The flop came out Q2Q.  I was donk bet into and I insta-mucked my hand.  I limped in with TT and 88 only to whiff the flop.  I played several small suited connectors.  My 5c6c flopped a flush draw but the board paired on the turn and I wasn't about to gambol with the guy who bet the turn.

My total for the night: -$66.  Pots wons: 0

Fike seemed to be treading water once he hit the 1/2 table.  I had a clear view of him and his stack from my table.  It looked like he chopped one pot.  Then I saw him rake in a big pot.  He later tol me his AQ paid off big.  He ended up booking a nice +$200 for the night.

I'm starting to dislike the slowness of live poker.  If you aren't getting cards it's like chinese water torture.  I've played three sessions at the boat: +$21, -$96 and -$66.  Those last two sessions were mostly just not playing hands or limping in and whiffing the flop.  Any pots I won were small because I never hit a big hand.

I would have won 3 pots last night had I played the hand but who is going to play 23 offsuit and call a flop bet on a KQ2 board?  Never mind that the turn was another 2.  Eventually the cards will come my way, right?

I guess I'll find out since I'm going back today while my inlaws have volunteered to take my kids on a roadtrip to a museum.  I'm a degenerate poker-playing muther!  I'm on a boat, bitches!  With my flippy floppies...

PokerSlut Tour XIII Pot Limit Omaha

The PokerSlut Tour is played exclusively at Full Tilt Poker.

Poker Soup

Blazman, snuffy, Snarf, cgcpointledge, loser64, nzgreen and I along with miscellaneous others from time to time have been conferencing on Skype during the PokerSlut Tour, the Booze Cruise, AIPS and The Corporation Poker HU tournaments. Blaz has decided to record these conversations and post them as the Poker Soup Podcast.

Let's just say that PokerRoad Radio, Ante Up! and pretty much every other poker podcast out there have no need to be worried about us stealing market share from them.

If you are really bored and think that you might be entertained listening to a bunch of degenerate poker players ramble on and on while playing poker against each other and a bunch of other donks, well then this is the podcast for you!

I stumbled on to some test runs we did of this concept over a year ago.  Shocking how similar they are to what we record now.

Wally

After I published my last post about all the freeware I use and love I realized I had left out one of my recent aquisitions: Wally.



Wally is an automated desktop wallpaper changer.  It can use or find pictures from PhotoBucket, Yahoo!, flickr and more. 

I have a collection of over 600 wallpaper photos.  I am waaaaaaaay too lazy to go through the effort to change my wallpaper more often than once a week or so.  I have wallpaper files that I haven't seen since I downloaded them who knows how long ago. 

I set up Wally to change my wallpaper every hour.  It does it seemlessly.  Presto, a new background.  I'm really enjoying this considering the countless hours I spend goofing off in front of my laptop.

Just think what I might come across if I had it scouring flickr or PhotoBucket for pics =O!  Give it a try if you're tired of that bland background you've been rocking for ages now.

Geek

Geek, I are one.  Proudly. 

I really don't mind being called a geek. 

I've come across a bunch of freeware that I really like.  Handy stuff that really makes keeping my laptop running smoothly easy and painless.

Glary Utilities

This little utility is packed with juicy goodness.  Even if you don't go any farther than the One-click Maintenance, it's worth running every week or so.  The Modules tab opens up a whole new world of Optimizing options including a Startup Manager, Memory Optimizer, a Registry Defragger and more.

Smart Defrag

I love this program.  It has one of the best interfaces I've found as well as advanced options.  Another program that I have setup to auto-run every week.

Tree Size

This little bad boy will show you were all the crap is hiding on your hard drive.  I was baffled by how little free space there was on our desktop's hard drive.  This program showed me a hidden system file that was a backup relic from a bloatware program I had removed ages ago.  Even better, it allowed me to delete it!  I reclaimed 60gb that I could not even tell was there in Windows Explorer.

Foxit Reader

Foxit is a PDF file reader.  Adobe is such a resource hog.  I've been using Foxit for a while now and I'm very happy with it.

Notepad++

This is not your mother's Notepad.  Oh, no.  This one is packed with so much more.  This of it as Notepad on steroids.

Paint.Net

Speaking of steroids, Paint is a quaint little program whereas Paint.Net is the Arnold Schwarzenegger of drawing programs.  I've tried Gimp - I'm sure it's a good program but I could not navigate it's interface.  Paint.Net is so intuitive and easy to use, loaded with features and powerful.

ScreenHunter

I'm always taking screenshots of my desktop or a particular window.  This software turns that process into a one click chore.  Press one button and you have a custom-named graphic file.  It doesn't get any easier. 

Revo Uninstaller

If you like to try a lot of programs like I do, you probably find yourself removing a lot programs as well.  Not every program I try is a keeper.  I hate removing a program only to find residual files left over after the uninstall process.  Revo takes uninstalling to a new level.  It also searches the registry for stranded entries as well as the abandoned files and folders.  This is especially handy if you intend to re-install the software and don't want to carry over any problems you might have had with the previous installation.

SyncBack

This is a handy back up utility that I've been using for a while.  It is easy to set up and use.  It is another program that runs once a week without any effort on my part.

VLC Media Player

I love this program.  It's is a lightweight and compact video player that plays nearly everything.  You can stream video, stream audio, play local audio and video, convert video, play DVDs and more.

WOT

Web of Trust.  Easily one of the must useful addons for your web browser.  This software will give you a visual indication of the threat level for any link you run across while browsing.  The latest release includes a parental control feature that warms my heart.  If this doesn't keep properly trained/warned children from opening harmful sites then there's no hope for the next generation. 

The best part about all of these bad boys: they are FREE!  FREE, I tell you!  Did I mention that they are FREE?  Stock up now before the price goes up!